For most people this means beating an opposing team, military opponent, or political rival. For people like Audrey it means making it through the day without letting her opponent- a part of herself that she see’s in the mirror everyday and has to battle with on a daily basis. This can be from everything like clothing and how they fit, feelings of being judged by family, friends, or even strangers, and sudden feelings of sadness, abandonment, isolation, & unsubstantiated fears and anxiety over minute situations.
Today Audrey started back at her first secondary school, a school she has never been able to complete a full year at due to her mental health disorders suddenly becoming full blown. Today Audrey celebrates a victory over her opponent and not only completed her first day of school without any incident, she did so with what would be considered minimal emotional dysregulation and a great deal of control. Were there tears? Yes. Were there insults thrown at me out of frustration stemming from something else? Yes. Did her BPD traits of being pissed at me but not wanting to leave me show through? Absolutely. But she was still victorious over all of the emotions, habits, thinking errors, and physiological attributes that were fighting against her.
We left the house with Audrey having her emotions under control- victory. We arrived at school 10 minutes before classes began, and even though she was still nervous, she had a small smile one her face and didn’t hesitate to leave the car- victory. She didn’t call home during the day- victory. She didn’t need to go to any of her designated “chill out” zones- victory. She came home without a complaint about a teacher or class (so far)- victory. She came home with a smile on her face- victory. She is preparing for school tomorrow without signs of anxiety or unwillingness (granted, that could all change in the morning)- victory.
Today Audrey was victorious over her greatest opponent.
I am unbelievably proud of Audrey. I was probably just as nervous about today as she was and I wasn’t sure what to expect. When I received the few phone calls I did today my mind instantly went “Oh Lord, here it is!” or “It’s Audrey…”. I’m so thankful I was wrong every time.
Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV) feels like the perfect verse to sum up the emotions and outcome of today, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”